With Friends Like These
by JosephineLL
Summary: Trip thinks he found out a secret about Jon and Hoshi. [Complete]
1. Chapter One

Title: With Friends Like These .  
  
Author: Josephine  
  
Email: Lovellama@aol.com  
  
Codes: A/S, T, R  
  
Genre: Humor, Romance  
  
Rating: R  
  
Summary: Trip gets the surprise of his life  
  
----------  
  
You remember how you felt when you suddenly realized at sixteen that that wasn't a massager you found in your parent's drawer when you were five? That's how I felt when I realized Jon and Hoshi were seein' each other. All those times he went over to her console, sendin' messages to Starfleet, askin' her to find out Malcolm's favorite food . 'We're talking about a delicate assignment, Hoshi. It needs your finesse.' If it were a rattler it would'a bit me. I can't believe I didn't see it, but once you know it's there .  
  
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinkin'. 'You can find anything if you want to, Commander.' You sound just like T'Pol. Well, I'm not imaginin' things. Hell, this ain't my first rodeo. I know Jon like the back a' my hand, and I know what a woman looks like when she's in love. These two have got it bad.  
  
I'll watch them sometimes, on the bridge, wrapped up in their own little world. Looking around, I can't believe no one else sees it. Malcolm's the Security Officer, for God's sake, aren't they supposed to be a little more observant? T'Pol's got a stick so far up her rear she'd just think it was humans bein' our regular emotional selves. And Travis. Totally oblivious to the intimate interaction that's possible between a man and a woman. If he's not a virgin I'd be damned surprised. Boy's gotta have some of that shine taken off.  
  
So Hoshi walking' around all moon eyed, an' Jon wasn't even tempted by a pre-warp planet we passed. He ain't once wrangled with T'Pol this week. They had to work off some of this unresolved tension. So it came down to me. On a night I knew T'Pol was goin' to be working late, I begged off dinner, but offered Hoshi up as a substitute. Jon looked like a sinner in a revival tent, and I could have sworn Hoshi was gonna fall out right on the floor. But what could they do? Head up, back straight, they walked into the wardroom. I just about bust a gut.  
  
----------  
  
"What if you're wrong?" Malcolm looked over at Trip, both men picking at their food. The mess hall was deserted but for them and a few other stragglers.  
  
"I'm not wrong. They've been in there two hours. It only takes the Cap'n an hour at the most to finish his supper."  
  
"You took a very big risk, Commander."  
  
"Trip. And I did not."  
  
Both men fell silent at the sound of the wardroom door sliding open. They watched as Jon and Hoshi left together, their eyes never leaving each other.  
  
"She looked thoroughly kissed. And I think the last time I saw the Cap'n with a possessive look like that on his face was when he saw Enterprise for the first time." A smug grin passed over Trip's face.  
  
"When you're right, you're right." Malcolm grinned back at Trip.  
  
"Damn straight." Digging into his food, Trip looked thoughtful. "Now how do we get it out in the open?" 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two ... 

* * * * * 

I hate it when that bloody Yank is right. 

When the Commander … pardon, Trip … first approached me with the absurd idea that the Captain and Ensign Sato were 'an item', I seriously doubted his sanity. The Captain is a professional; I didn't think he would jeopardize his position by fraternizing with an ensign. The Commander … Trip … insisted however, and cited numerous occasions where it would have been 'obvious to any idiot with two eyes in his head and an iota of the common sense God gave a gopher'. 

His examples seemed … flimsy at best to me: the way the Captain convinced Hoshi to leave her class three weeks early, how he was more concerned about her safety than his own on Rigel X, how he 'hovered' around her constantly. I tried to tell Trip that just because he spends an inordinate amount of time by her console, it doesn't mean a thing. She's the Communications Officer for Christ's sake. All his seemingly 'indisputable' evidence I reasonably explained away. 

Except for tonight's. 

Did I mention I hate it when he's right? 

There was no mistaking the matter when they emerged from the wardroom. Hoshi glowed, actually **glowed**, and the Captain looked like he had just won the lottery. When Trip talked about getting it out in the open, I about choked. I figured if they wanted it out in the open they would let it out in the open. He said that keeping it hidden was bad for morale. It was up to us as the Captain's friends to help him out in this matter. I told him he was a blooming loony and to let it drop. He became quite irate and said if I wasn't going to help he'd get Travis to do it. I replied that Travis was innocent as a new born babe and he wouldn't know what to do with a bird if she kissed him. Trip said he needed someone to help him and two was better than one. 

So that's how the three of us ended up plotting the downfall of our Captain. 

---------- 

"What, you knew?" Trip looked at Travis like he had revealed a secret past as a gigolo. Apparently his pure and innocent look had been only that. 

Travis grinned. "Of course I knew. It was rather obvious." Malcolm became fascinated with the decking. "He's always around her. And the way he talks to her … I can't really see anyone where I sit, so I pick up more on their tone of voice. His changes when he talks to her. Besides, he went to see 'Three Windows' with her. That has to be true love." 

"How'd you know he went?" Trip still couldn't get over that Travis knew before him. _It's always the quite ones …_

"Ahh … I went to see it with Jessica." A slight blush stole over Travis' face. 

"Ensign Cordoza? You and her? Since when?" Trip looked over at Malcolm to see if he knew about this. A shake of the head and a shrug was all he got. 

"Seven months this Tuesday." 

"Ah gotta get out more often." Banging his head against the table, Trip didn't notice Travis and Malcolm's grins. With a sigh he sat back up. "So how are we gonna make it public?" 

"I have no idea." Malcolm crossed his arms over his chest. "'Outing Your Captain's Secret Romance' wasn't covered in Command school." He rolled his eyes, obviously not too thrilled with Trip's obsession with humiliating Archer. 

"Well," Travis looked at the other two. "We could always …"


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

* * * * * 

You should have seen the expression on Trip's face when I said I knew about the Captain and Hoshi. He's just like my Uncle Walter; thinks he has this big secret and then is crushed when he finds out everybody knows about it already. 

I tried to make Trip feel better by explaining; I mean when you're stuck for years on end in a cargo ship you get kinda good at reading people. That's why I thought it was rather obvious. Other than that movie, there was the time on Kaluan III they went off 'data gathering' for two hours, the way she always sits next to him during briefings, and the party 'he' threw for her birthday. Sure, Liz Cutler was the one who 'officially' put it together, but she told Jessica who told me that the Captain did all the planning. Liz was just the front man. Woman. You know what I mean. 

Malcolm didn't seem to know anything about it either, come to think of it. Kinda surprised me, him being the Security Chief and all. Maybe he was trying to make Trip feel better too. Although he didn't like Trip's plan to make the relationship public very much. I suppose Trip had a point, that it would be good for morale; I guess a happy Captain is better than a frustrated, lonely Captain. But he doesn't look very frustrated to me. Ew. The Captain and Hoshi. Squicks me out a little. He's almost old enough to be my Dad. 

Anyway, Trip said it was all about confidence. If the crew knew the Captain was in a happy, stable relationship, they would have more assurance in him and his ability to command. Malcolm said Trip was grasping at straws, and asked why did it matter so much to him? Trip replied he didn't want the Captain to feel like he had to sneak around just 'cause he loved Hoshi. He then asked Malcolm if he ever had to hide a relationship and did he remember how it made him feel. Malcolm got real quiet, then mumbled something that sounded profane. 

Nothing I came up with to out the Captain and Hoshi satisfied Trip though, he kept saying it was too boring or too tame. All his plans were versions of Hoshi being a damsel in distress and getting the Captain to come by at the right time to save her, then have the crew standing around when he came into sickbay holding her unconscious body in his arms, calling her name in an anguished cry. 

Malcolm shot those down as rapidly as they came up, thanks goodness. I don't think Trip would have appreciated a mere Ensign calling him an 'addled prat' like Malcolm did. 

---------- 

"Still conspiring against the Captain?" Three pairs of startled eyes looked up at T'Pol. 

"Whadayamean?" Trip managed to get out. A shuttered expression had come over Malcolm's face, and Travis just looked scared. 

Without preamble T'Pol pulled out a chair and sat down. The rec room was deserted at this time of night, but she still spoke softly. "Two days ago I overheard your conversation about the Captain and Ensign Sato. While I had noticed they had a closer relationship than would be warranted between a Captain and his Communications Officer, I attributed it to their knowing each other previous to their assignment to the Enterprise. I have since then taken the time to observe them more closely. I have reluctantly come to agree with Commander Tucker that the Captain and the Ensign are having a clandestine affair." 

The three men just stared at the Vulcan. 

"I also agree that their keeping the relationship a secret from the rest of the crew is detrimental to the overall moral of the ship. The Commander is correct; where the Captain goes, the crew follows. It is a generalization, but if the Captain is happy, the crew will be happy." 

Trip snorted. "Well that's fine and dandy, but how are we gonna go about gettin' them to admit it?" 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

* * * * * 

The Human species continues to fascinate me. Everything they do is driven by emotion, devoid of logic. I am no nearer to understanding them than I was a year ago.  
  
Their ability to involve themselves in affairs that are not their own is especially puzzling. The way Commander Tucker single-mindedly pursues exposing the Captain and the Ensign's relationship would be commendable if it were directed toward reigning in his emotions, improving the output of the warp engine, or even controlling the chaos of his quarters. Instead he is planning elaborate scenarios wherein Ensign Sato would believe that Ensign Cordoza wants the Captain for herself, and is 'moving in' on Ensign Sato's 'territory'. The ensuing 'cat fight' apparently would inform everyone of Ensign Sato's true feelings. 

I was unaware there were any felines on board Enterprise however, and why one would want to set two of these creatures against each other merely to show others how one feels escapes me. I must ask Commander Tucker for clarification of this custom at a later time. A curious friendship has formed between us; perhaps this is why I so readily agreed with him that the rest of the crew needs to be told of the Captain and the Ensign's affair. 

The realization disturbs me. I must meditate on this. 

---------- 

"Good afternoon!" Phlox gave a wide smile to the small group standing in the shade of a large tree. After the preliminary scans had shown that this planet held nothing dangerous to Humans, Vulcans, Denobulans, or Canines, Phlox had convinced the Captain to let him go down to the surface to see if there were any medicinal plants he could use. The doctor had spent a pleasant few hours wandering around by himself, and now was looking for some company. 

"Phlox." Malcolm nodded at him. "Did you find anything useful?" 

"Perhaps, perhaps … There was one plant that I think the roots would make an excellent congealant. And a spider type insect that the webbing could be used as a bandage, very sticky; but alas, I don't think we'd be able to keep it alive on the ship …" Most of the group's eyes glazed over as Phlox droned on. "… I found that excellent specimen over where the Captain and Ensign Sato were; interesting couple those two make …" 

"You know about them too?" Trip's outburst caused Phlox to step back in surprise. 

"The Captain and the Ensign? Certainly. I've been watching them from the beginning. Fascinating really, to see the courtship rituals between two people who are already friends and who decide to act on the mutual attraction they feel for each other. I believe it was in Hydroponics that he first kissed her. It certainly looked like it. I was collecting sap from the Bedwellian Carpantha Vine to use on rashes when I overheard voices. I peeked through the foliage to find out who it was just in time to see them …" 

"Doctor." T'Pol interrupted Phlox just as he got to the juicy parts. "I do not believe that the Captain would like his personal affairs being … gossiped about." 

"Hmmm. Perhaps you're right," he agreed; but looked rather crestfallen at the lost chance to discuss one of his favorite subjects. 

Trip looked like he was going to blow a gasket. 


	5. Chapter Five

You truly learn something new every day. I was unaware that Humans could turn such an interesting shade of red. Part of me was concerned that Commander Tucker would have an apoplexic fit and was planning on what to do if he did, in fact, have one; another part watched in amazement as the color in his face came and went at an alarming rate.  
  
Apparently he was upset that I knew about the Captain and Ensign Sato's relationship before he did. I would have guessed that he would have been one of the first to know about it. But, I was wrong. It's happened before, and, I dare say, will happen again.  
  
Humans are really a very interesting species. I know Sub commander T'Pol thinks so, although she'll never admit it. I realize they aren't as exotic as the Jeanese with their telekinesis, the Warrans with their large wings, or even the Prydians and their ability to pass through solid objects at will. It's the way they interact with each other that I find so intriguing. Friends, lovers, acquaintances . they have so many classifications for their exceedingly complex relationships with each other.  
  
It seems that the relationship that Captain and Commander Tucker is best friends. I've learned that this type of friendship comes with a certain responsibility, and it look as if the Commander feels the Captain has failed to fulfill said responsibilities, namely telling him about any romantic interests he may have, replete with details. I have often overheard various crewmen on board Enterprise impart stories of sexual conquests, a trait that is shared by nearly all of the Universe's male inhabitants, I'm afraid.  
  
Oh good, the Commander's color is returning to normal. He can be rather impulsive at times; I certainly hope he doesn't do anything rash .  
  
----------  
  
"Now don't that just beat the Dutch!" Trip aimed a solid kick at an unassuming tuft of blue grass, taking his frustration out on the innocent plant.  
  
T'Pol merely elevated an eyebrow, while Travis turned to hide a laugh as Trip strode toward one of the shuttle pods.  
  
"Ah'm not takin' this lyin' down any more! This ends here and now!" With a determined look on his face, he climbed up to stand on the bottom ledge of the casing surrounding the pod's engines. His piercing whistle drew the attention of the other sixty-five crewmen scattered over the near by field.  
  
"Is there anyone on the ship besides Malcolm and me that didn't know about the Cap'n and Hoshi?" Trip's eyes scanned the crowd as the crew looked at each other, shaking their collective heads, wondering about their Chief Engineer's sanity.  
  
"I think we all knew," a voice floated up, a chorus of agreement following it.  
  
"Summa . . ."  
  
"Trip? Is something going on?" Archer's voice caused Trip to spin around, nearly losing his balance. Embarrassment warred with righteous irritation as he scrambled down, coming to stand before Archer and Hoshi. He glared at their hands clasped together.  
  
"Ah think that's mah line." Crossing his arms over his chest, Trip belligerently stuck out his lower jaw.  
  
"Trip?" Archer's cautious voice matched the wary look on his face. Hoshi took a step closer to him, her puzzled gaze going from one man to the next.  
  
Flinging out his arms, Trip burst into speech. "Why din't ya tell me ya were seein' Hoshi? Ah had t' figure it out on m' own! Turns out Ah was the last t' know!" His arms fell to his sides, a hurt expression in his eyes. "Yer m' best friend, Jon. Why din't ya tell me?"  
  
It was Archer's turn to look puzzled. "I did. Three weeks ago. You, Malcolm, and I were watching the Stanford-Texas game. It was halftime. I told you Starfleet had relaxed its fraternizing regulations, and Hoshi and I had started dating. You nodded and said something like 'Good for you Cap'n'. I thought you two took it rather well, actually."  
  
Trip stood there, stunned, for approximately 4.67 seconds. (Phlox, who had been watching and listening avidly, counted.) "Halftime! If I recall correctly, the Texas cheerleaders were on at halftime. Ya don't talk to a man when the Texas cheerleaders are on!" Trip turned to Malcolm. "Do you remember him tellin' us this?"  
  
Malcolm had the grace to look sheepish. "I remember the cheerleaders ."  
  
A smug Trip faced Archer. "Well then, there ya go." A sudden thought occurred to Trip. "If ya had made it public already, then why'd ya look so guilty when I had Hoshi eat dinner with ya?"  
  
"You were so obviously sneaky about it, it was rather embarrassing. Especially since we thought you already knew," laughed Hoshi.  
  
"Son of a bitch." Trip fought the grin trying to escape, not so willing to let go of his grievance. "Just don't let it happen again." The grin won. 


	6. Chapter Six

Apparently, Trip had no idea that Hoshi and I were dating. The hurt look on his face was one to rival Porthos' when I say he can't have any cheese ---.  
  
But you always give in.  
  
I'm getting better. He hasn't had any in at least three days.  
  
Try yesterday morning, Jon.  
  
I believe we were talking about our Chief Engineer? After Trip had calmed down, Malcolm told us how they had been conspiring to let everyone know about our 'secret' relationship. Daring rescues, mud wrestling between Hoshi and Ensign Cordoza for my favors, it ran the gamut. Only Trip would come up with outlandish scenarios like that. Malcolm apologized later for not paying attention when I told him, I said that was ok; the Texas cheerleaders could be . distracting.  
  
Beast.  
  
Trip mumbled something about how I should have made sure he was listening, then shook my hand and congratulated me, like I won some sort of prize.  
  
You did.  
  
Since then he's kept popping up in the strangest places for no reason that I can fathom.  
  
He's stalking us! It's like he's waiting to catch us kissing in the turbo lift or something.  
  
That sounds interesting. I've never done it in a turbo lift before ---  
  
And you never will!  
  
Want to bet? Besides, we're not in a lift now -  
  
Jon! What about your log? You haven't finished yet! Mmph! --- I guess it can wait -  
  
----------  
  
The lift door slid open to a sight one usually didn't witness on the Enterprise. Trip stared in shock for a moment, then held up a hand, turning his head and closing his eyes.  
  
"I did not need to see that!" He cracked an eyelid in time to see Jon and Hoshi step apart, a sheepish expression on Jon's face. Jon ran his fingers through his hair as Hoshi tugged down her t-shirt.  
  
Trip shook his head. "The turbo lift? Really, Cap'n." Trip tried, really tried, to keep a straight face.  
  
"Someone lost a bet." Jon looked at Hoshi, who coolly glanced at both men.  
  
"If you'll excuse me? My Sunday morning pancakes are waiting." Chin up, Hoshi sailed out of the lift, not looking back to see if Jon was following.  
  
Jon gestured in Hoshi's direction. "Gotta go." With a wry grin he took off.  
  
Entering the lift, Trip shook his head at the sight of Jon running after Hoshi. "Couldn't have happened to a better man --"  
  
Finis 


End file.
